Friday, September 28, 2007

One Year

So, it’s been a year, as the title indicates. As of only a few hours ago, I’ve been in Korea for one full year. Which means a few things, I guess. Lots has changed. Lots hasn’t. I spent my first night in Korea in a shady love motel, and thought that I was in some sort of Seoul red light district, due to the fact that my hotel came equipped with an abnormally large number of massage oils, condoms, and two crappy porn channels. I’ve since learned, of course, that this was simply a yogwon, a small family run motel, and that such motels are almost as ubiquitous in Korea as are internet cafes or convenience stores. As for that red-light area, it turns out my motel was actually in one of the highest-rent districts in all of Korea, a 20 minute walk from Apgujong, Seoul’s (and really Korea’s) land of Prada and Gucci stores. Of course, when I first got here, absolutely nothing made sense, ever. Now, I would say, I can generally go at least an hour on most days without being completely bewildered by something.

Am I where I want to be? I signed up for a year, so this seems like a good time to, you know, take stock. There are many positives. I can read Korean script (slowly). I know enough Korean to order at restaurants without an English menu. I can order a beer at a working class dive. I can direct a cab. I can’t have a conversation, by a longshot though. Oh yeah, positive. I can tell the difference between good and bad kimchi. I’m pretty adept with the chopsticks. In a crowning achievement, I once placed a take-out order for a pizza over the phone only in Korean, though it may have only worked due to the fact that the pizza place may have recognized my voice, and I always get the same thing anyway. I’ve paid off my credit card debt. That’s a big one, I guess, and a major reason I came here. I’ve also, including coming here, been on 13 different trips, which is especially impressive considering how little vacation time I’ve had. Yeah, some were day trips, but I’ve been on 8 overnight trips and 7 that involved airplanes (on 4 different airlines). My bigger trips were to Hong Kong, Bangkok, and Tokyo, which isn’t too fucking shabby. I’ve had, by Chicago in 2005 (or, who am I kidding, 2002-2006) standards, astronomical success with the ladies. I had the longest successful pursuit of a girl in one night of drinking in my, or maybe anybody’s life - 12 hours. I had the shortest successful pursuit of a different girl in a different bar in my, or maybe anybody’s life - 10 minutes. I have some good friends here, which I suppose is what matters most. I bought a computer. I wake up at 12:47 p.m. every day, which is certainly a perk. I’ve had, almost undoubtedly, more nights where I was out, not just up, but out, until well after 7 a.m. than I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve been to two Disneylands. I’ve climbed two mountains, one twice. I had, unquestionably, the best spring of my life (by the way, best fall - 99, best summer - 92 or 99 or 02, best winter - 05-06 or 96-97). Despite drastic information and time zone disadvantages, I made my fantasy football league’s playoffs last year and I’m first in my division so far this year. I’ve become respectable at darts. I write, which was one of the top three reasons I came here to begin with. My last year in Chicago, I never wrote a fucking thing. I don’t sell phones. Lots of times, I actually even enjoy my job, there’s some awesome kids. Also, there’s chocolate-covered sunflower seeds. I just discovered that 10 seconds ago at the convenience store patio I’m writing on. And yes, they kick ass.

There are, of course, plenty of negatives too. The most glaring, of course, is what the hell I’m going to do when I’m done with this. This is really a whole other blog, but I still don’t have a clue. Suggestions are welcome. I also don’t exactly have a nest egg, not that I thought I would. Lack of easy every day life (familiar cable system, unencumbered communication with locals, decent record stores, food that isn’t Korean, McDonald’s, or pizza) certainly wears on me. In that same vein, the two biggies for me in the food realm - lack of Taco Bell (or Mexican food in general, other than 2 places an hour subway ride away) and the epic quest necessary in order to acquire an overpriced bottle of ranch dressing. Vast distance from friends and family, particularly right now while my grandma is ailing. That’s definitely a big one too. Paying double US prices for simple commodities like jeans and shoes. The never-ending foreignness. By this, I mean, France was foreign, but one I got a decent haircut and some cool French clothes and knew may way around and understood the subway, French people would approach me by speaking French, and would only realize I was foreign by my dumbstruck look or piss-poor broken accent. Here, there’s nothing cosmetic that can be done. My foreignness is pretty fucking evident the second I walk into a room. That’s definitely an Asia thing, but I think a Korea thing more than anything. Though I can’t speak or read a word of the local language, I feel much less foreign in Japan, Thailand, and Hong Kong than I do here. The only reason I can think to explain that is that Japan, Thailand, and Hong Kong have lots of western tourists and quite a few western immigrants. Korea has zero. Korea has English teachers and soldiers. Oh, and let’s not forget the still massive language barrier.

Still, It’s hard to say my objectives here haven’t been met. I came here to pay off my credit card debts, to write, to travel around Asia, and to have some cool girl adventures. Really, check, check, check, and check on that tip. Had things worked out according to plan, I should actually be on a plane home, literally this very minute. My buddy Don asked me earlier tonight if I wished that I were in fact on that plane presently. I didn’t have an answer. Which, I guess, means no. Maybe it’s because I don’t have everything figured out yet. Maybe it’s because I think the extra 3 months of pay will make a big difference. I can certainly say this - if I were on a plane right now, that would mean that I would have stayed at my original school for a year rather than changing three months in. And, though being forced out of my old school (via conspiracy, really) seemed like a crushing setback at the time, it’s the best thing that could have happened. On my list of positive things, every single one of them applies to the last nine months in Nowon, and I am sure my life would have been exponentially worse had I stayed at my old school.

Sorry about all the introspection here. Next time will either be good old dick and fart jokes or strange shit I saw in Japan.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Half Your Age + 7

So, on the bus Friday morning (everything seems to happen on the bus) this couple gets on. The girl: 25, tops. The guy: 55, minimum. He could have been 65. I don't know. But they were obviously together. I mean, I expect that kind of shit in Texas, but on the bus to downtown Chicago? It threw me for a loop. Now, I was always told growing up (I actually don't remember who told me this, maybe some drunk on the street) that the youngest person you could date was half your age plus seven. So, in my case, 26, I could date a 20 year old. I don't by any means swear by this rule, but it makes more sense than an old man with a chick my age.

I think just about every girl I've been out with dated one guy that was a little bit too old for them at the time. Why did you date a 27 year old when you were in High School? What the hell was that guys problem? Can you imagine dating a teenager now? I mean, no way I'm buying wine coolers.

Also, I've been meaning to pimp my friend Armin's blog. He's a great writer, and fun to read. Read all about his trip from New Jersey to California on a bicycle here: http://dirteatersanonymous.blogspot.com/

I'm in the Steel City until Monday, so until then...

Go Bears. Go Cubs. Loose Brewers (sorry Moods).

People I can do without

(with apologies to George Carlin for the title)

I saw a guy in Bangkok, a cliche backpacker walking around with clothes that it looked like he made himself. He looked like an asshole. Worst of all, he was carrying a diggery-do. What the fuck? You can’t buy those in Thailand, and he clearly wasn’t Thai, which means he’s actually carrying a fucking diggery-do around with him on his trip. A loud six foot long wooden instrument that cannot possibly have any practical value other than to let people see that he has a diggery-do. It reminded me how much I hate people. So, here’s who I can do without at the moment:
-Diggery-do guy

-Anybody who is not in fact an Aborigine that owns a diggery-do, or at least anyone that takes it out of their house.
-White guys with dreadlocks

-Asian guys with dreadlocks

-Girls with dreadlocks. Sorry Megan, but this is just a bad look.

-Really, anybody with dreadlocks that isn’t an ethnic Rastafarian Jamaican.

-Any guy over the age of 11 that wears a tank top, wife beater, or sleeveless shirt of any kind.

-soccer. As mentioned before at Myspace.

- Canadian rugby fans. Look, Canada, I thought we had a deal. When away from North America, you guys stick to real sports, and don’t fall into the “international” (i.e. British) sports scene of soccer, rugby, cricket, and other crap like that. I saw a bar full of Canadians watching rugby the other day, and I was horrified. Listen, Canada, you stay away from the bullshit British sports, and we won’t fold the NHL. Deal?

- Creative arty types. This could fall in with the diggery-do guy department. Not all creative arty types, mind you, just most of them. The ones who subsribe to the bullshit “artist” lifestyle. The most creative, artistic people I know deliver pizzas, work construction, drive busses, sling phones, or tend bar. Plus, they are capable of carrying on a long conversation about sports, and can drink copious amounts of cheap beer.

-People that dress like idiots. 99.9% of people in the world fall within a normal enough range of dress that they don’t look like assholes, and are pleasingly instantly forgetable. Well, that .01% of the population has to be “different.” Every now and again, it works, but only for certain people. When David Beckham wore a sarong, it was somehow acceptable. When some 45 year old balding asshole in a tie died shirt does it, it’s stupid. By and large, people should think about looking in a mirror before leaving their house.

-Anybody that wears a bandana that is not a pirate or an old west bank robber. This includes everybody.

-Fully ambulatory people that take an elevator up 1 floor, or down anything fewer than 7.

-Sports scandals and the ensuing coverage. Look, I don’t even live in the U.S. right now and can’t watch football here, and I’m sick to death of the “spygate” Patriots scandal. I don’t believe it effected the games, and I don’t care. Here’s what else I don’t care about - Barry Bonds. And though I’m clearly in the anti-Vick camp given the nastiness of dog fighting, at this point I would certainly enjoy watching one of Vick’s feistier dogs rip ESPN.com’s Gene Wojciechowski’s face off. In fact, I think I would enjoy that at any point.

Travelers and Tourists

I’m going to drop a couple blog entries tonight, just because I’m heading to Tokyo tommorow and thus all the blogs I have in the hopper will feel dated after that. This topic: travel. Big surprise.

I’m starting to feel different about the “traveler” verses “tourist” divide. I’ve long fallen on the “traveler” side, because it seems to be the more authentic experience that falls more into my ethos. For the un-indoctrinated to this debate, “traveler” means that you travel with a backpack, wear a bandana at all times, you stay in the cheapest hostel available, and your ideal trip would involve a 243 hour trip on a non-air-conditioned bus in August through every country that ends in ”stan”. “Tourist,” on the other hand, means that you tour with a roller-bag, wear a fanny pack at all times, you stay in 4 star hotels that were pre-aranged by your tour company, and your ideal trip involves either a cruise, a week at Disney World, or a 7-day bus tour through Europe, staying in a different city every single night. There is no in between.

Obviously, both of these are exaggerations (usually). And it’s easy to see why the notion of “tourism” gets a bad name. But, I’m getting tired with the inherent self-righteousness that comes along with the “traveler” ethos. Look, people get their travel rocks off in different ways. I think it’s stupid to adhere to the hard core tourist mentality, and to have most of your travel experience spoon fed to you by the tour company. But I also think it’s stupid to subscribe to the hard core “traveler” mentality as well, to just stay in hostels in large rooms with people like you and to cook all your own meals. I can understand why people do it wither way, but neither way makes sense to me. Why bother leaving home if you are just going to stay in soulless Hiltons and Marriots and are just going to eat overpriced, familiar food? At the same time, why bother leaving home if you are just going to hang out with fellow “travelers” and are going to cook cheap, shitty ramen or spaghetti in the hostel kitchen every night?

Look, I’ve done it both ways (though usually closer to the traveler way on my own since I’m never rich) and had fun both ways. Hell, on my Hong Kong trip, I did it both ways at the same time - staying in a dirt cheap rats nest, but going to Disneyland and spending a million dollars at bars and restaurants. But, in general, I never stay in hostel dorms anymore (exception - this weekend. Tokyo hotels are fucking expensive.) I like hostel bars to meet travelers, but I like local bars more. I don’t like hostel dorms, because I don’t see what sort of cultural lessons can be learned by trying to sleep on a bunk below some fat snoring Australian. I never, ever cook in hostel kitchens, or anywhere else for that matter. I didn’t come 200-7,000 miles to eat my own shitty cooking. If I can’t afford to eat at restaurants, than I can’t afford to go on the trip. Or, I use credit cards. Also, I at least try the local cuisine, and try my best to avoid eating anything that I can easily get back home. Which, in my coming Tokyo trip, just means no McDonald’s and no Korean food.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Das Bus

*There is a Dickbreath sighting in this blog.

So, for the past two years in Chi-town, I've been a train person. I've picked places to live based on how close it is to a convenient train stop, i.e., not the blue line. Now, I live far from a train stop, but close to Lake Shore Drive, so I can take an express bus downtown. In the past month, I've picked up the correct Bus Etiquette, but it appears some people haven't.

1. If there's an open seat, take it. Don't sit next to me. I know I'm having a great hair day, but seriously, take THAT seat that no one's sitting in. I don't care if there's an old newspaper there. Move it and sit down.

2. Move the newspaper off of the seat next to you. Once you're in that seat, you inherit everything that comes with it. Paper, gum, piss. Whatever. It's your paper now, and you look like an asshole. Ship it.

3. Do you really need to take your5 kids in strollers on the 8:30am bus? Make some fucking pancakes, put on some cartoons, and wait till 9.

4. Do you really need that oversized shoulder bag? What's in there, really? Your computer? You're wearing an thousand dollar suit and taking the bus. Guess what? Time for a smaller laptop, cheap-o.

5. Please, keep hitting me with that oversized bag while we're standing, and pretend like nothings happening, or look at me like it's my fault. Perfect.

6. This one goes to the bus driver- Thanks for driving past my stop when we have a bunch of people waiting, but then stopping at the next one.

7. I hate the last person that squeezes on.

8. Why are you staring at me? Bring a book.

9. I'm not staring at you. I'm looking out the window. Prick.

10. WAIT YOUR TURN TO GET ON.
This is in all caps, because, that's right, none other than Dickbreath likes to break this rule. (for more info on Dickbreath, check out the previous blog "Hate Thy Neighbor"). So, yesterday at 5, I'm waiting for the bus downtown. I wait a good 10 minutes, and right before the bus appears, good old cock face strolls up in his green shirt and tie, smoking his ritual cigarette before he gets on. A bunch of people are lined up, waiting, but not in line like we're waiting to get on some amusement park ride. But we know who's been waiting there before we got there. The bus stops, I'm about to get on, then the bus pulls forward to the stoplight. We all walk down the street a bit, and old Dickbreath comes speeding on my right, and gets in a few people ahead of me. I can't decide if I should just give him the evil staredown when I see him, or ignore him completely.

By the way, the bus we were on broke down twice. I thought we were going to have to get off. I had a funny thought when the bus died the second time, as we were going under the tunnel to the expressway. I pictured Michelle driving by, on her way home, pull over, pick me up, and have dickbreath ask for a ride since we live in the same building...

I moon him as we peel out.

That would have ruled.

Friday, September 14, 2007

first crappy survey of the new blog

1. Who were you with last night at 4:00 a.m.?
watching lost on dvd, drinking cass red.

2. What woke you up this morning?
a garbage truck. damn dumpsters.

3. Where are you?
sitting down and facing front.

4. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
depends on the potential use i may have for my a.k.

5. Did you kiss or hug anyone last night?
a pillow named sheila.

6. When was the last time you cried?
august 23, 1996.

7. Ever thrown up in public?
i prefer on public. one time, i went to a pisser in this after hours bar, and puked all over these dudes that were hanging out in front of the urinal. they even said it served them right for hanging out in front of a urinal. i got some puke on myself, of course, but when i got back to my people, i pointed out the same dudes and said that one of them had puked on me. true story.

8. Where would you like to live?
a brothel.

9. Ever been skinny dipping?
exclusively. it goes unnoticed though, due to my natural pubis speedo.

10. What do you want to be when you grow up?
again, supreme dictator of the universe.

11. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
supreme dictator of the universe. or dead. or working, badly, at some job i hate that i’m overqualified for, on the verge of getting fired.

12. Do you like candy necklaces?
yes, but only because of the last episode of TV Ngels. if you don’t know what TV Ngles is, youtube it.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
cheese sandwiches, msg flavored chips.

14. About how many people have you liked this year?
this isn’t a usual year. this is like a high school year in the liking department. off the top of my head, i can think of 16 in the last 3 weeks. i’m going to conservatively estimate 57.

15. How many have you loved?
every single one of them. especially the ones who’s names i never knew.

16. What are/were you doing this weekend ?
same thing i do every weekend - try to take over the world. or, at the very least, drink.

17. What's Your favorite type of soda?
i don’t rank mixers.

18. Do you like someone right now?
i don’t know, 6 or 8 girls, but none that much.

19. How long 'til your birthday?
173 days or so. start shopping. i’m registered at the liquor store.

20. Do you use EBay to buy or sell?
sold my car there. got a dollar for every 192 miles i drove it.

21. What makes you mad?
waking up every afternoon, most everything that happens after that.

22. Have you ever had a song written about you?
strangely, suite madame blue, by styx. they never explained why.

23. What song makes you cry?
anything by sean paul.

24. What makes you happy?
it’s cliche, but tits. if there’s a killer exposed rack in the room, i doubt i’m spending much time fretting about the iraq war or global warming.

25. What's the next CD you're going to get?
they still make cds?

26. Who was your last text from?
some girl.

27. Where was your default myspace picture taken?
some bar (not being coy here on these last 2, i don’t know the names. really.)

28. What's your middle name?
arado, which i believe is italian for “danger.”

29. Your current location?
60 kilometers south of the DMZ.

30. Does your crush like you back?
i assume so. she won’t return my calls. obviously, she knows me well enough to know that if she did, i’d quickly lose interest.

31. Name at LEAST 3 of your all time favorite movies.
rocky iv. airplane. rocky iv again.

32. If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
i’d bomb the swiss. neutral, nazi-profiting motherfuckers.

33. What are your plans for tomorrow?
plans?

34. Ever had a near death experience?
only if you count people that have had a near death experience at my hand. those would be countless. as for myself, i’m unkillable. go ahead, try. you’ll fail.

35. Something you do a lot?
rattle the rook. know the knight. batter the bishop. caress the king. punish the pawn. i’d use a queen euphemism here, but that would seem gay.

36. Last movie you've seen?
speed. again on korean cable. i just can’t get enough of speed-era sandra bullock.

37. Who can you tell anything to?
anyone.

38. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
price.

39. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
gotta get my rocks off somehow.

40. Do you speak any other language?
nah. restaurant-wise, i wouldn’t starve in any italian, spanish, italian, korean, or french speaking countries. add in german and i could order a beer. i presume i could parachute into burkina faso and be able to get smokes.

41. What's your favorite smell?
my own balls.

42. Describe your life in one word- what would it be?
goat.

43. What are you looking forward to at the moment?
tokyo trip.

44. What are you thinking about right now?
i should be at the bar.

45. What should you be doing?
really, hanging out at the bar. it’s only 3:20. that’s the equivalent of going home at 9 p.m. in the u.s.

46. What are you listening to?
ill communication.

47. Do you like working in the yard?
beats working in the meter.

48. If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
kickass.

49. Do you act differently around the person you like?
i’m not usually oscar material to begin with.

neighbors

on the neighbor tip, let's not forget the guy down the block in lawrence that burned his parent's house down in an effort to kill them. i never met the cat, but he had to have been a strange one.

right now, my neighbor situation is quite different than it was in lawrence or chicago. it's a building of large studio apartments that they call an officetel, each apartment pretty much the same. the mix in the building seems to be korean families (which i have virtually no contact with ever) and people like me. and by people like me, i mean 20-something foreigners (i.e. non-koreans from english-speaking countries) that live alone and work as english teachers. so really, my living situation now is closer to dorm life than anything, only everybody is old enough to drink, everybody does drink, and nobody has a roommate. so, unlike usual, i'm actually friends or co-workers with many of my neighbors, and of the people in my building that i hate (it's just this one dude) i don't hate him because of any usual neighborly stuff. no, i hate him for the same reason i hated any of my peers in college, because of drama over girls at the bar. that, and he's a bit of a chode.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Hate Thy Neighbor

File this blog under idiots I've encountered.

It's Chicago in September. The last month with a few days of perfect weather, so it's great to walk around on those nights. Me and Michelle were leaving our place, and caught the elevator, already opened, with our neighbor inside. Now, we've never officially met this neighbor, but he takes the same bus that I do, and works in the same neighborhood I do. We even get on and off at the same stop, but we've never spoken. I found a perfect opportunity to change that.

I follow Michelle into the elevator.

ME: Hey man, hows it going?

NEIGHBOR: ...

(He looks right at me. Awkward silence. He looks away and stares at the ceiling. Beat. The elevator doors slowly close. Much more Awkward Silence on the long trip down four short floors. The doors open up. NEIGHBOR gets off first, exits towards the back door, out through parking garage on foot.)

WHAT THE FUCK?

Now, Keith came over a few weeks ago, and asked if we knew who our neighbor was yet. Jokingly, I said we were sworn enemies. Apparently, not joking.

This guy seems totally weird to begin with, but that's just a prick move. All he had to do was acknowledge my existence as a human. "Hey." Even a head-nod, or a smile would have at least upgraded him to a chode instead of total fucking prick that if I ever see him alone in the laundry room I'll throw all 90 pounds of him in the dryer and pop ten bucks in.

Why does this guy hate me for no reason? Then, I started thinking back to all the neighbors I've ever had. I've pretty much hated or been hated by every neighbor I've ever had.

Growing up: Lawrence, KS. Same house for 15 years, same neighbors for as long as I can remember. Our diagonal neighbor behind our house yelled at us every time we hit a ball in his yard. He was that guy. We called him Farmer John because he ALWAYS wore overalls.

Our neighbor directly behind us was a girl in my class. I had dated her friend in fifth grade, denied it to everyone (trying to play it cool), broke up with her (playing it so cool), got back together, and then broke up with her again. They've both hated me ever since. Even in high-school, I never felt comfortable talking to her. I used to hop the fence and hang out with her for Gods sake. Fifth Grade. Everything Changed.

Our neighbor right next door called the cops on us because our dog was barking outside...instead of, I don't know, telling us, since we'd lived next to them for ten years.

In 7th grade, I dated my across the street neighbor, denied it to my friends (I knew a lot about girls), she broke up with me, and we never even waived to each other after that.

In college, it switched from crazy neighbors to crazy landlords, which I'm sure is common. Though, when I moved to Chicago, I had both. A crazy fucking neighbor below us (who called the cops on us 3, yes 3 times in ONE night...for watching TV. Seriously.), AND a crazy landlord that lived in our building above us, who still owes us about a grand.

Now, we have dickbreath. I think I'll poop in a box and leave it in his mailbox.

Anyone else have a good neighbor story?

summer - asia style

i agree with mr. kickass. while this sumer certainly, easily beat out the summer of 2005, when my entire summer of fun was condensed into one overnight roadtrip to indiana beach, this summer certainly lacked in any sort of "north to the lake" adventure. though i didn't have an apocolyptic event like the mr. kickass's aforementioned flood to dampen my summer (quite a pun there, eh?) most of my summer was brought down by the little things. maybe my expectations were too high, coming off the best spring of my life. but, i was ill for much of june, and then i bought a computer, so i was broke in july, and i had to save money in august for my thailand trip. and yeah, i know that any summer that includes the phrase "my thailand trip" cannot catagorically suck. but, sadly, no winnie, no kara, but at least no margaret fahrquhar.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Summer

It’s not that the summer has gone by too fast, though it has, or that I took it for granted, though I did a little…But this summer lacked adventure. I’ve been watching The Wonder Years lately (2 episodes every night on Ion! Thanks Julia) and Kevin Arnold is always looking for excitement. Instead of going to work, he turns his car around and drives north to the lake.

This summer started out promising. I took a trip with the guys to Atlantic City in late May. A great start, but it was pretty much downhill from there. I started a grown-up 9-5 job in mid June. Granted, we lost a lot of our summer when our apartment flooded…But, yesterday, when I felt that first cold wind, I couldn’t help but start to miss the Summers I haven’t had for a while. Summers that included drinking beer on my front porch, house parties next door, everyone outside listening to music. Things are different now. Weekends are shorter. Work has eclipsed summer fun. At least football season has started. Maybe we can get together every Sunday and start some new traditions.

In closing, if you want to read a great interview about life and writing, check out what Steven Dietz has to say. It’s rather inspiring.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The Worst Day in Sports Ever?

Yesterday. Sunday. September 9th, 2007. What went wrong? Everything.

1. To start the day, the Kansas City Chiefs (granted, not a good team, but should be able to RUN over the Texans) almost get shut out after missing a 30 yard field goal to open the game.

2. In the middle of the day, the Chicago Cubs get spanked by the Pirates of all teams. Really? The Pirates? Last I checked, they were in last place...well, now they're second last. And we lose our first place status in the tightest division race I've ever seen. At least the Cubs could have won, for Gods sake. Give us some hope.

3. The Bears. What the fuck happened to our offense? We used to have one. A pretty good one, one scored touchdown(s). I need some answers on this one. Sure, they were playing the best rushing team in the league, a team that went 14-2 last year, an even better record than the Bears. But, we SHUT LT DOWN. They did it. They did their jobs. He got maybe 12 yards in the first half. That's unheard of. But our offense blew it. And it wasn't Rex's fault. Lovie. Give me a call man. I have some ideas. Number one on the list is to not run the same play 2nd, 3rd and 4th down. I can't even get away with that shit in Madden or Techmo Bowl. God knows they'd be calling my play, as was San Diego.

4. Going back to Saturday - Notre Dame. Sure, yeah, "It's a rebuilding year." Right. That still doesn't make it okay to go 8 quarters without an offensive touchdown. Where are the offenses? They play Michigan this weekend, and the good thing is they have the same record.

5. I lost my fantasy football game. In both leagues I'm in. And I scored 97 points for Gods sake. MY offense is scoring points, and I have the Bears D. Come on.

There is hope. The Kansas Football Jayhawks are 2-0, which is equivalent to the Royals being only 2 games back. Just doesn't happen, I don't know what to do. Also, today the Cubs CRUSHED the Red Birds of St Louis 12-3. Pass me an Old Style.

Now I can sleep.
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