Something just isn’t right with our bathroom. If you ever find yourself on the 15th floor of our building, pee elsewhere. Trust me. The following stories are true.
1. The weird guy in the stalls.
So, there I am taking a wiz, when all of the sudden I hear this faint, but familiar music. There is some dude in the stalls behind me listening to his iPod so loud that I can hear it clearly. And he’s playing Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing. What better song to listen to when you’re on the pot?
2. There’s an old guy, wears a suit everyday, who pee’s on his shoes. We have no idea why. He doesn’t accidentally miss. He literally does this everyday, at the same urinal, whenever he takes his first trip to the John. I don’t know. I call number 2 Insane guy who pees on his shoes.
3. I’m in the bathroom washing my hands, and some guy in a stall pulls out his cell phone and makes a call. This guy is doing business on the shitter. The only people allowed to make calls in this situation are mimes.
4. The guy that always takes the middle urinal. Look, do we really have to go over this again? There are three urinals, the middle one is only there for decoration. It never gets used. This isn’t a bar at 1:56am. Use the stalls, or wait it out. And, no, there aren’t “privacy walls” in between, but God Bless the man who invented those.
What’s really strange is that people will come to our floor just to use the bathroom. You see them get off the elevator, hit the head, then get back on the elevator. Stay tuned for my next blog: Elevators, and the idiots who ride them.