Thursday, October 18, 2007

Fauxlorado

A couple more notes on the baseball playoffs:

I’m extremely happy about the current national backlash toward Dane Cook. I, for one, hated him before it was cool. Some work buddy at Sprint showed me a clip of his on the interweb years ago, saying check out how funny this guy is. I was instantly repulsed, and haven’t wavered since.

I still hate the Rockies. They aren’t a real team, and don’t come from a real city. Buddies of mine back home, like Daniel and Toast are apparently huge supporters of them. Big shock. It’s getting to be impossible to argue with Daniel about sports, because he hops on the bandwagon of contemptible teams every season, because he will like “the style of play” or “the way they play the game” or some such horseshit. That’s simply not what sports are supposed to be about. In 1987, Daniel and I had a wager on a Browns-Broncos game. He had the Browns, I had the Broncos, in a game that turned out to be Elway’s famed “Drive.” I had no particular ill-opinion toward either team, as I hadn’t yet adopted the Chiefs at the time and thus had little regard for the AFC. The sides we chose were based on Daniel’s unconditional hatred of the Broncos. I asked Daniel why he hated the Broncos, and he said it was because he hated Elway. I asked him why he hated Elway, and he said it was because he hated Elway’s hair. So, I verified, you hate an entire franchise due to one man’s hair? Yes, he said. This seemed ludicrous to me at the time, but it turns out Daniel was right. Elway had ridiculous hair. But he wasn’t an asshole, and the Broncos by extension evil because of his hair. No, Elway had ridiculous hair because he was an asshole, and he was employed by the Broncos because they were evil. But the end result was the same, and Daniel’s original statement was a true one.

So really, I don’t understand this “liking the style of play” thing. Like everybody else, I adopt teams in the playoffs in most leagues most years, as my teams tend to be pathetic and don’t make the playoffs to begin with, and lose in the first round if they do. But style of play can only be one consideration in these adoptions. You also have to consider what sort of fan bases these teams represent. And when it comes to, say, the Red Sox or Rockies fan base, I want no part of it. Plus, despising entire cities of teams and fans is part of the fun in sports. The Rockies winning would make Bronco fans happy, and thus me angry.

Lastly, my buddy Jack emailed me a pretty good take on the baseball playoffs, which I’ll now get to:

"wait, they play baseball in colorado now? i guarantee you no one living in boulder is aware of it. and moreover, todd helton is a baseball player? i was always sort of under the impression that he played tennis or something - one of those random names on sportscenter that you hear but don't pay much attention to, and aren't really sure what they do, like texas tech football, ultimate fighting, soccer,  rutgers, old dominion, virginia com monwealth, any professional hockey team located in the confederacy, and the seattle seahawks.
 
look, i know that boston fans are annoying. but can you imagine rockie fan right now?
really?"

Go Cleveland. I guess I have some connection to them this year, as they are the only team alive that I don’t loathe, and that my fantasy football team is called the Cleveland Steamers.

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