Thursday, October 11, 2007

Spectacles, Testicles

It’s weird. I’m 26 years old, but I still have a third grader inside of me.

I recently had to start wearing glasses. In fact, I forgot them today, and I’m straining my eyes writing this. Glasses are so simple, yet amazing. My eyes slowly got worse over the past few years, but it’s amazing to see the difference on what I can see again that I forgot about. I can read small street signs from way further way, and even the TV is much crisper. I’m sure glad my girlfriend was still hot!

In the past, the only glasses I’ve worn were Sunglasses, which I would take off as soon as I stepped indoors (unless I’m with my Aunt Gin, Jack Nicholson, or at the final table of a poker tournament, in which case, ship it.) But it just felt weird to leave them on walking inside a building. The first few times I walked into a store, I took them off out of habit.

The first time I wore them to work, I was self conscious. It’s completely ridiculous, but it’s true. I knew nobody was going to point and laugh, or call me four eyes (I wouldn’t care if they did) but it felt like the first day of third grade, when I parted my hair on the left instead of the right. Eight solid years parting it on the left. I was due for a change, but I was worried what people would think. That was a major fashion change, and I risked eating lunch at the cool table.

The other thing that’s started to happen, is consciously noticing people with glasses, and wondering when they had to start wearing them. It’s almost like a club, like Larry David is in the bald club. One of my best friends and roommates had glasses in college, and since I met him post-glass, I never pictured him any other way, even when he wears contacts. Strangers who wear glasses look completely normal because that’s the first time you’re seeing them. My issues come from 26 years of not wearing them.

I hope the glasses community welcomes me. I already got my invitation to our first meeting. And I know there are a few imposters out there, wearing glasses with no prescription because it’s cool to look dorky. They, like guys who choose to shave their heads, are not members of the club.

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