Monday, January 28, 2008

Ryan Howard Method

So before continuing (and concluding in the next entry, I swear) my Philippines story, it's time to get to this blog's roots, with a sports and girls story. This story concerns two people - the aforementioned Ryan Howard, and my buddy Don.

Ryan Howard, for those who don't follow baseball, is a promising young Phillies slugger. He has become known for swinging for the fences, for good or for ill. Last year, Ryan Howard hit 47 home runs, second in the National League. Perhaps more notably, he also struck out 199 times, a Major League record.

My buddy Don, for those of you who haven't read of him here before, well, is some dude. As his habit at the bars tends to be hitting on anything that moves, he too has a high strikeout rate, a practice that he refers to as the Ryan Howard method. While Don has had a good deal of success with the ladies this year, I have been witness to a huge number of strikeouts, occasionally with unspeakably ugly girls. Sometimes, even ugly girls aren't charmed by Don's favorite pickup line - "What - are - your - hobbies?"

Why do I bring this up now? Because on Saturday night, Don came up with a plan so brilliant, I can't believe I didn't think of it first. His plan and new goal - to break Ryan Howard's record. To strike out 200 times.

There are rules, of course. He is not allowed to make attempts at obvious, guaranteed strikeouts. That means no married women, no girls who are clearly at the bar with a boyfriend, no lesbians, and no female bartenders. Also, as baseball season is 6 months long, Don has until July 25 to reach 200 strikeouts. Finally, every strikeout must be confirmed via witness, either me or my buddy David, who was also with us on Saturday. Basically, this means Don's "games" are restricted to bar nights.

As for last Saturday - the kid started out strong, with 10 k's. Good times.


Steve said...

That is absolutely hilarious!!! I will be following your blog for updates on his progress. I am a super-big Howard fan and I can actually see that phrase catch on.

Joe Kickass said...

Does he actually pause between words when he says his pickup line? Mr. Howard would be disappointed if he wasn't at least trying to hit a home run.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like the Don I know. More mek ju should help.