Thursday, February 7, 2008

12 Years Later...I Return.

Hands down, the worst trip of my life so far has been Las Vegas.

How is that fucking possible? You may be asking. You might even say “Joe Kickass, you’re an asshole for saying that. Did you loose twelve grand on a single bet?” Nope. “Okay, so a hooker tied you up and took everything you had.” Not even close. In fact, I didn’t even lose a shiny nickel. I was 14 years old, still using dial-up Prodigy email, and my pen-pal Mia hadn’t written me in weeks, so I was already pissed off.

Who goes to Vegas at 14? It’s just not a good idea, and it certainly wasn’t mine. “They’ll have video games you can play while we’re gambling.” Great.

It was actually a combined trip of boating for 3 days and Vegas for 2 nights. Jetski’s – Fun, especially at 14. Vegas? Terrible idea. At 26? Brilliant. Let’s break down why.

First, the company. At 14, I was traveling with my dad, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend’s daughters (guessing here, but lets say they were 8 and 11…and really fucking annoying, and guess who I had to share my hotel room with?) At 26, I will be traveling with 3 hot chicks, and some buddies from LA will meet us up there. 26 takes an early lead.

Next, the hotel. At 14, we stayed at Harrahs. Can you get more plain than that? At 14, you need some flashy glamour or theme to your hotel to keep you occupied for at least a day. Part of the fun of travel at that age was exploring the hotel. Me and my brother back in the day would basically take dibs on a bed, then head out to find the pool, get ice, and see what other rooms we could get into for the next hour. Harrahs was not kid friendly at all, nor did it have any entertainment to seek out. I don’t think they even had video games. And trust me, I looked high and low, and kept getting asked to leave the casino. At 26, we’re staying at IP. At least it’s themed, and more importantly, it’s in the center of the Strip so we can explore other hotels. Another point to 26.

Finally, the entertainment. At 14, we went on a few rides at MGM, rode the Last Drop (or whatever the hell it’s called) on top of the Stratosphere, and spent a lot of time watching whatever random TV show or movie happened to be on in the hotel room…with commentary by the 2 daughters. I couldn’t even get a ride to go to the Crazy Horse. At 26, I plan on only sleeping about 4 hours a day (literally, during the day), I’ll be playing cards half the time, and the other half: getting free drinks and playing random games, hanging out in the sports book, and helping my buddies chase the skirts before heading back to the poker room to clean up the drunks. No question who is going to win this battle.

This is all speculative right now of course, but 26 is going to be a million times better than the 14 trip. I’m willing to bet the farm on that. (I wonder if I could get any action on that bet…) Vegas deserves another chance to wash away the trip 12 years ago.

However, I won’t be able to tell you how it turned out, because, after all, what happens in Vegas…is only 26 days away.


Julia Dossett said...

I'm one of the hot chicks! I can't wait for Vegas!

slug vs. salt said...

reminds me of when I was twelve and my dad took me to Hooters. i remember staring uncomfortably at my plate for 3 hours trying to avoid any eye to boob contact.

Jae-hak said...

ah, the IP. i once controlled the craps table there, rolling for like a half hour straight, while these two dudes betting don't pass/don't come lost like 70 grand betting against me. fuckers. though, my fondest memory(ish) was arriving at the IP lobby at god knows what hour, with no recollection how i even got there or where i was earlier, carrying 2 oranges whose origin i had no knowledge of. elvis impersonators (along with cher impersonators and marilyn monroe impersonators) where dealing blackjack. vegas, baby.

Anonymous said...

On the trip 12 years ago, you did go to the vegas impersonator show at the IP. I saw you! You might do that again. Have a great trip