Top Ten Reasons I’m Almost 30 by Ross Jonak
- I actually bought a condo and can’t just quit my job and move across country.
- I have decorative pillows on my bed…you actually don’t sleep on them, decoration only! My mom who is a HUGE decorative pillow person should be so proud.
- The other week I had competing 7am meetings. Now I know why coffee was invented.
- My Thursday evenings don’t involve getting drunk off my ass and suffering through a hangover Friday at work.
- I have business cards that I actually pass out to generate business contacts instead of giving them out to only friends as a way to look cool.
- I feel very out of place around college kids at
basketball games. Universityof Portland
- The thought of buying into a plot of land at the local community garden is very exciting! I’ve actually got my plot already…#23!! It’s going to be one hell of a garden!!
- I have bought furniture that wasn’t posted on the free section of craigslist.
- I don’t have a case of PBR in my fridge. Okay, this is only half true. I don’t currently have any PBR in my fridge, but this is because I drank it all last Saturday. I’m turning 30, not going crazy!
- The local newspaper who wrote an article about me (see attached), listed my age as 30. Jerks!
TOP TEN REASONS I AM NOT 30 by Joe Kickass
1. I’m still hungover from going out on Thursday...then Friday...then Saturday.
2. I give out business cards mostly to impress my friends, and occationally to potential business partners.
3. I rent.
4. I consistently think about packing up and moving somewhere cool, where I can just “bartend and write” to get by, but really end up slacking off and having fun.
5. Everyday I think about quitting my job.
6. I think about buying things I can’t afford. What’s a little more credit card debt?
7. I have no idea what a decorative pillow is.
8. Seriously, should I quit my job?
9. I only own one suit.
10. If I quit my job, I’ll have more time to sit around and play video games.