Saturday, March 1, 2008


Perfection. It can be extraordinarily elusive. One can try for it, in some aspect of life, and fail, sometimes miserably, in even the most mundane of tasks. I, for example, have never had a perfect commute, a perfect haircut (although that would really be the barber’s achievement rather than mine), or a perfect score on a Spanish vocabulary test that I didn’t cheat on. In fact, up until this point, I had achieved perfection, by my count, only twice in my life. Once, in 1993, before I was even street legal, I performed a perfect parking job. Not parallel parking, despite my record as one of the world’s finest parallel parkers, even I have never achieved this feat. And once, in the year 2000, I delivered the perfect situational pick-up line (let’s go back to your place to drink your beer.) That, for the record, was with a girl that owned a talking Stone Cold Steve Austin T-shirt. Up until now, that’s it. Perfection is hard. Just ask Belichick.

That all changed three days ago. After countless hours (okay, 85) and months of work, I have now pulled off another point of perfection to add to my legacy, and certainly my obituary. What began as a naive, wild eyed quest back in late November has now been finished. It is easily my fourth greatest achievement in Korea (the other three involved girls) and probably top 20 lifetime.

What is my new level of perfection? What have I done that you certainly have not? Why am I so much better than you could ever hope to be? Brace yourself. I got 100% on Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. It wasn’t easy. I almost gave up hundreds of times. But now I’m perfect, and you can’t take that away from me.

With that accomplishment, my part of this blog should increase a lot, as I should have a lot more free time. But then again, Mr. Kickass graciously got me God of War 2, NCAA Hoops 08, and a coupel other games for Christmas that I can’t wait to start now that I can finally eject GTA from my worn-out PS2. Plus, I downloaded 960 8-bit NES games for my emulator, so that might take some time too. At least my god-awful morning schedule is no over, I can go back to staying up until 5 a.m. every night, so I have plenty of time to play video games and to occasionally write. That means I can talk on the phone again too, so for the masses of you itching to talk to me again (Hi Mom, I know you read this blog) can now call me.


David said...

Don't forget the thousands of SNES games I gave you. They may've been made past your time, but most of em are gold damnit. I demand to see you hate your life during some Megaman X Sigma fights.

Joe Kickass said...

I was once part of a perfect pick-up from the airport. I believe Stevens was the driver.