Wednesday, October 15, 2008

With appolopgies to the Ryan Howard Method

I fail with girls a lot. Almost certainly more than you do. I fail for a plethora of reasons. I come on too strong. I come on too weak. I come on too slovenly. I come on too handsome. I come on too drunk. I fail because I don’t call. I have no fewer than 20 girls numbers in my phonebook that I never called a single time; at least 10 of which I have no memory of who they even are. Why don’t I erase them? Obviously, that takes effort, and the English menu on my phone is quite cumbersome and illogical. The only numbers I’ve erased were done publicly, to prove some sort of point. I fail because I call too much, though less often here as I’m pretty quick to quit. Hell, sometimes I even fail recreationally. One time, I used the winning line “hey baby, you ever been to Mexico?” This was to a random girl on the street that probably didn’t speak any English.

The point of all this? I really don’t get upset about failing with girls anymore. Right now, I am, in some capacity or another, talking to 5 different girls. Sorta. Last week, 3 of them were sitting next to each other at the bar, so I played it cool by completely ignoring all 3, though I should have talked to them. It’s not often I get the opportunity to fail with 3 chicks at one time.

Since I arrived in Asia 2 years ago, I’ve dug or hit on something like 17,000 girls, and obviously failed with a large majority of them, well over 16,000. On all but three cases, I haven’t cared at all. On three occasions, I have. One of those times, perhaps the most severe, happens to be now. While I’m not officially out of the game with the current object of my affections, I’ve been doing this for long enough to know when fail is in the air. This isn’t pessimism, it’s logic and experience. Same way I knew the Cubs were finished after game 1. Yeah, there’s two more games to play, but there was no reason to pay any more attention. If you have any doubt, here’s a complete and unabridged account of out conversation at work today:

A little before 3 p.m, when she arrived at work

Her: Hello
Me: Hello
7 hours later, when I was leaving
Me (to a group of three people): Bye
Her (in chorus with said group) Bye

Anyway, make sure you come back for my post in 10 or so days. It won’t be upbeat, but it won’t involve silly girl shit, and I hope will be well written.

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