Friday, November 21, 2008


First off, I would like to congratulate J Hak for breaking records. Job well done.

Picks for this week. Oklahoma will win at home against TT. It’ll be close, though. I was wrong last week, but again I like KC to beat Buffalo at home. This is Herm’s last year…right? The Titans will stay undefeated, and the Giants defense will be too much for Warner (and God) to handle.

And finally, I’m adding to my list of people I can do without. The new additions are:
Baristas that are jerks because “it’s their thing.”
Jokesters that have a quip ready for everything you say, and it’s painful to hear.
People who sit next to me on the train when there are many open seats.
Anyone who thinks Ohio State still deserves to play for the National Title.
Anyone who is in favor of the BCS.

One new addition to people I can do with: Anyone wearing a monocle.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Lost weekends

It got cold in Korea. Like yesterday. I’m already pretty sick of it. My favorite watering hole, a plastic table outside a convenience store, is now essentially worthless. C’est la vie, I won’t be here too much longer anyway. My flight out is scheduled to happen, well, it’s not scheduled yet, I could be leaving here anytime between last Thursday and February, I’ve been told pretty much anywhere in that range. The main thing, I guess, is I’ll be on an outbound flight soon, to Baltimore. Or Chicago. Maybe KCI. Could be Florida. Vegas isn’t off the table. Then, there’s always New York, LA, San Francisco, Istanbul, Bali, Jakarta, Hong Kong, Guadalajara, or Boracay. I suppose the point is, I have absolutely no idea when I’m leaving, where I’m going, and what I’m doing when I get there. I’m okay with this. Sure, I can’t sleep at night, but that’s where our good friend alcohol comes in.

And oh, our friend has been friendly lately. Over the last 4 weekends, I’ve been good for one low-key night (no black-outs, spending under $30, home before 5) and one borderline catastrophe each time. The catastrophes have taken place all over town - Hyehwa, then Itaewon, then Hongdae, and at my home bar of No Block.

Hyehwa was a humdinger at a bar that features $3 whiskey shots in a town where they usually cost 7. My group ran up a $240 tab, though it was a large group. A noraebang was later involved. When I got home, I took a look at my loft, where my bed is. No way I was gonna climb the stairs/ladder up there, too plastered. I looked at my couch. It had my backpack and coat on it. No time to clean up all that mess, too plastered. Nope, in the classiest move possible, I grabbed my couch pillow and the blanket that covers my chair and hit the floor.

Ladies love the noraebang!

So does Martin

Itaewon was a halloween disaster. In a brilliant mobilization, I managed to recruit a large group of my neighborhood buddies and co-workers, even the guy that works at my local convenience store, and managed to get them to congregate at one bar. Amazing. After weeks of planning, I could only get 5 people to go out for my birthday, but on Halloween, I wrangled like 20 people out. Highlights of this night include my “incessant hitting on” of the co-worker chick I dig. Not my words, but those of a witness. Apparently, I also had some sort of drunken “why don’t you like me?” speech directed at her. I believe this was shortly after I had a long argument with the bouncer at Spy Bar about why I shouldn’t have to pay a cover, and how I wasn’t like these other people. Neither conversation resulted in the end that I was hoping for. Fortunately, I don’t remember any of these things, therefore, they never happened and did not count. If they did, I’d certainly be embarrassed. I do remember leaving the taxi at my house and going to a convenience store, where I made the guy working there make my some instant ramen, as my motor skills had regressed beyond the point of doing such things at the time. Then, I woke up on my goddamn floor.

Danger lurks for Don

Sadly, I also lost the horse mask. Here is its last picture.

Hongdae was far less eventful. I discovered my new favorite bar, a van on the street that sold drinks to go, Khoa San Road style. Plus, the drinks were cheap, refills were half price for one, and the guy had a heavy pour and served all kinds of fun ridiculous drinks like mojitos, mint juleps, and Singapore slings. Sadly, I was dragging in Hongdae, as I’d been walking all day and was tired, and I got fairly plowed by 11 yet stayed out until after 5. Highlights included texting the co-worker girl at 2:30, which I remembered doing; and possibly texting a former co-worker that I was all about for all of 2007, but haven’t contacted at all this year. You see, I have an old phone, and it doesn’t have the memory to save outgoing texts, only incoming. Thus, I’m completely unaware of anybody that I may drunkenly text unless they respond, which I’ve determined may not be a bad thing. After all, if I send an embarrassing text at 4 a.m., if the recipient responds, it’s cool. If they don’t, I’d rather not know that I ever sent it. Anyway, the reason I think I may have sent 2007 girl a text is that she called me clear out of the blue the other day, and she mentioned me sending her a text a little while ago, and this seems like the only time I would have done it. Whatever, she called, so if I did it, it worked.

Me with my Korean friend.

Last week, a large group of us went out to No Block. I left my apartment to buy a pack of smokes, ran into a couple people on the street, and ended up being out for the night. As like the other weeks, a lot of drinks were served. I’d had 3 Long Islands at No Block when we left to check out another bar, and the bar charged me for 2. I actually argued with them that I owed them more, because I can’t try to pull one over at my home bar, but they insisted we were square. Rain, everybody’s bartender hero, even gave my buddy and I free to-go cups of this new drink he had just concocted. That covered the grueling 2 minute walk to the other bar. Nothing much happened all night, but I did succeed in losing my keys and becoming temporarily homeless, which was awesome. For a while I thought that, like Nelson Muntz’s father, I had gone out for cigarettes and would now never return home. Fortunately, I managed to get in the next day.

Rain - the best bartender in Asia

That was Friday night. I haven’t really had much beer since then. It’s hard to sleep with all the future unknowns hanging over my head, but I’ve found completely ignoring them and playing Ninja Gaiden (NES version) gets me through the day.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

You Know Who’s Worse Than The DMV?

The post office. More specifically, the closest post office to my apartment. But, I think in general, yes, they have taken the crown away from the DMV to become the worst place you have to go. In case you were wondering, the top 5 worst places to be are:

1. The bottom bunk when your roommate thinks you are asleep and decides now is a good time to have sex with your (ex) girlfriend on the top bunk.
2. Post Office
3. DMV
4. Dentist
5. A pity invite to a Thanksgiving Dinner…but you actually show up, making for an awkward moment, and then on top of that the food is bad so you have to spit it into your napkin and feed it to the dog. Not that I’ve been there.

So there you have it. The post office is above the DMV, mainly because of…well…How often do you really have to go to the DMV? Probably about as often as you go to the dentist, or graduate high school – every four years. (I’m about to start my 3rd High School!) The post office? At least once a month for something. And it doesn’t matter what time you get there. It’s always bad, and they don’t care. There’s always three people working, and only one spot opened. I don’t know what the other two people do, but they aren’t helping you, and they don’t care.

At least when you go to the DMV, you can expect a fight. You know what you’re up against. You know it’s going to suck, and if you happen to get out of there in under an hour, chalk up a win and use those extra 3 hours on catching up on the latest internet porn, or pop in that “Pool Tricks to Impress The Ladies” DVD you bought at a Walgreens for 2.99 three years ago.

When you go to the post office, for some reason I feel like there’s false hope. When you walk in, you think, maybe today the line won’t be so bad. It’s 10AM on a Tuesday. Who’s at the post office? Everyone. 1PM? Everyone plus their family. It doesn’t matter. I swear I’ve even seen a few tents camping out the night before.

I suggest making post office employees work for commission. How ever many people you get through, that’s how much money you make. People would be busting their ass to get through their lines. I recently had to go to the post office 4 different days to accomplish one thing – turning in my passport application. I wanted to get the ball rolling before November 4th, just in case I had to bolt to Canada.

Congrats to OBAMA. And how about a little love for our 100th post at Sports That Are Right? On that topic, I have a few upsets I’m picking this week. The Chiefs will get over the hump and beat the Saints, and Dallas will come out firing and beat Washington. Keep an eye on Baltimore at NYG, will be closer than you think. Titans will stay unbeaten.

In case you missed it, check out my latest trailer:

Monday, November 3, 2008


Well, today's the big day. I know I'm a little late in this, but Nintendo is Right, Nascar is Wrong is pleased to endorse Ron Paul for president. We feel that the only mistake his noble campaign made was in failing to select Sarah Palin as his running mate.

On a serious note, if McCain wins, then make sure you download Skype, because that's the only way you'll see me for the next 4 years, unless you make the trip to Asia.