A few of us guys (this was a Don-sponsored event, therefore by definition a sausage party) got together for Don’s birthday last Saturday. Six of us met up at Hooters (yes, Hooters) on the rich side of town. First, we were shocked to see an actual white girl working there - no clue how this happened, people can’t get visas to work at restaurants. Of course, because tipping is not customary in Korea, we kinda wished she had been our waitress, just because it would be pretty damn cool to not tip an American Hooters waitress and have it be socially acceptable. Alas, we had to get by in not tipping a cute Korean girl.
We realized we had a pretty motley assortment. Amongst us the five of us were a drunk that likes to get in fights, a gay guy, a 27 year old virgin, a Korean-American frat boy, a holy roller, and me, your humble narrator that enjoys passing out at Polly’s Kettle House. Really, only Don could bring together this sort of disaster. We drank lakes of beer at Hooters, then decided it was time to actually go out, cuz, you know, it was 9:30 pm. We moved on to the main event, Monkey Beach, a bar specializing in buckets, and then on to Itaewon.
In order to preserve plausible deniability involved for all parties, I won’t name names here, as I recall, to the best of my memory and what I have since been told, some of the shenanigans that went down.
-One of us pissed in a sewer right on the street with people passing by
-One of us pissed in an empty women’s room, but pissed all over the place, a total firehose job.
-One of us pissed in a stairway in a random apartment building
-One of us pissed into an empty glass AT THE BAR, not in the bathroom
-One of us almost got jumped by three dudes
-One of us had a 1 and 1 record in fistfights over the coarse of the night
-One of us puked out of a third story window onto a busy street
- One of us passed out in multiple bars
- One of us left early after losing a fistfight
-One of us was kicked out of a brothel three times in a quest for a freebie - by the same whore each time.
-One of us actually had the wherewithal to talk to a girl that wasn’t a waitress, bartender, or whore - but struck out miserably
-One of us “went home” at 3 a.m. or so, but further evidence shows that this individual was actually out at the bars, unaccounted for, until 6 a.m.
-Two of us finished the night at Polly’s. One of us was forced to buy a drink upon arrival, the other didn’t have to because, according to the bartender, “he already has one that he brought in with him.” Okay, that one was me. And once again, give it up for Polly’s - a bar that doesn’t require you (or in this case, me) to buy a drink because I already had one that I brought in from another bar.
That’s it. That’s seven. I hope you enjoyed this magical ride as much as I did. I’m taking next week off.