Friday, September 3, 2010

The new style (and why you shouldn't bet on the Jets)

I’m experimenting with a new style. As I can no longer just sit at my convenience store table while chain smoking and allowing genius to flow forth onto this blessed website since the chain smoking (and the genius) part of the equation has been removed, I’ve taken to the streets. My new method - walking around my neighborhood at obscene hours while throwing back soju or beer or both and typing any decent idea that hits me into the pod. Let’s find out if this method works. Tonight, a scant 15 days from my impending America trip, I have many things I wish to discuss.

My fellow American co-worker is leaving my school soon. My school, recognizing that I’m something of a big deal there, has given me a role in the hiring of our new token white guy. By white, of course I mean somebody of any race from America, Canada, Australia, England, et al (well, not England. Sorry chaps.) and by guy I mean somebody of either gender. Thus far, all of the applicants have been, predictably enough in these parts, white guys.

Far too many people seem to grasp the fine art of resume writing these days. I don’t know what the kids are learning, but for me the cardinal rule is simple, and my old man agrees with me - a resume should be one page. One goddamn page. In the early 90s, when I had no work experience at all, my resume when applying to the Lake Perry Marina snack shop was one page long, much of it fabricated. My current resume is one page long, and only 50-60 percent fabricated. One of our applicants submitted a resume that was four pages long! It even made me use an exclamation point! He included job history such as “sales rep, Cutco, 2002.” Cutco, as you probably know, is a company concerned with selling kitchen knives door-to-door. The only reason to put Cutco on a resume is if it’s the only job you’ve ever had. Even then, it’s iffy. An 8-year-past stint at Cutco certainly shouldn’t show up on page 3 of a resume. The applicant also included such gems as “Bungee jumped in 2009,” and “Saw the Great Wall of China in 2008.”

The strange part of all this? We’re probably going to hire him, and because of my vote of confidence. See, as the Nowon old dog, I’m people that knows people, and this dude is from the neighborhood. He’s a friend of a friend, and I ended up drinking with him once a few months back. He seemed like a cool cat. Because of that, I’m fine with my school hiring him. I suppose the lesson here is that it’s who you know that matters most. Then again, if I didn’t know this guy, I would absolutely veto him due to his horribly designed resume.

I know basically nothing about music anymore. It’s sad. A friend posted something on the Facebook about an impending road trip she was taking, looking for advice on songs/records/artists to check out on the trip. There were 20 or so responses to the status update. I knew exactly zero of the bands or songs mentioned. All of these suggestions were given by people in my age group, so it’s not like it was all Jonas Brothers (do the kids still like them?) or something. I used to know a bit about music. Recently, I took a Sporcle quiz on 90s music, and I did awesome on it. However, I missed the number one song of 1998. It was a song called “Too Close” by a group called “Next.” I admit that I was high for a good portion of 1998, but how did I miss the top song? I’d never even heard of the song nor the artist. When I Youtubed it after seeing it on the quiz, hearing the song rang no bells. Billboard was the source for the Sporcle quiz. Was Billboard somehow wrong? Have any of you ever heard of this? I don’t recommend looking for it on Youtube if the name isn’t familiar, the song sucks.

Quitting smoking also sucks. I’m still still sticking with it, and I plan to continue, and even if I fall off the wagon I’ll never smoke at work again, at least not in my current line of work. It’s been 7 weeks now. I’ve smoked zero cigs on weekdays and zero cigs before 3 a.m. or so on weekend nights. Last weekend I got really drunk and had a stressful girl situation and lost my nicotine gum and ended up staying out until 7:30 a.m., but I still only had 2 cigarettes. A few weeks ago, a night out that late would mean 2 packs - minimum.

I’m starting to be glad that I quit, but I still don’t believe in the anti-smoker ethos. I’m still anti-smoking ban, and I still hate the militant anti-smoking movement as much as I ever did. I don’t think I could have lasted this long in America. In America, 7 weeks in, I would have seen some horrible self-righteous anti-smoking harpy/fascist on TV by now, and I would have headed straight to 7-11 to spend 9 bucks on smokes. Strangely, I still look at smoking in a positive light. I look back at times that I almost quit, like when I landed at SFO when I returned to America in 2008, or at the fireworks stand in Baltimore in 2009, and I’m glad I didn’t. I would have deprived myself some awesome smoking adventures. Even now, I wish I’d quit the day before yesterday instead of July 12. I could have had an awesome time smoking in Jinju or Namhae. Again, I don’t regret quitting. I don’t want to smoke tomorrow.

Quitting smoking isn’t the only, as they say here, “well being” thing I have going on these days. Given my impending America trip, I’m also re-committed to the gym (I actually almost don’t hate it these days) and on a diet of sorts. I’ve cut out sugar and snacks for the most part, I’m eating tons of fruits and vegetables and only the leanest of meats, I’m severely limiting my sodium and cheese intake, and I’m avoiding excess carbs from pasta and beer. Thus far, I’ve managed to lose all of the weight that I gained last week when I was gorging on pizza and pork and fast food and ice cream while knowing that the sword of the coming diet was swinging perilously overhead. To avoid these foul foods, I’ve found a simple solution - wine.

I realize this is something of a vice “whack-a-mole.” No smoking. Exercise. Keep away from bad food. Bam bam bam. Smokes down. Booze up. Fries down. Skirt chasing up. Fantasy football up. It’s the only way to go. I can’t just become a monk. Strangely, it turns out that drinking is the least harmful of my vices, as it’s the easiest to quit. I can go days without the sauce and be just fine, but if I go a day or two without BBQ sauce, things are not awesome.

The new wine I discovered the other day arrived just in time. Jinro Wine is horrible, barely wine, barely even Thunderbird, and likely has way too much sugar. For only $3 more, there is a drinkable French house wine available at my local grocery store that actually tastes like wine. Plus, when I’m just eating vegetables and cereal all day, one bottle of wine can be pretty effective. As I said though - no smoking and eating bad food and skipping the gym means an increase in drinking, porn, and fantasy football.

My continuing love of NFL and fantasy football has resulted in burning a lot of podcasts. I’ve railed through a lot of Matthew Berry and Bill Simmons lately. In fact, it was those two who invented my awesome Facebook status today. They, not I, were the ones who noticed that yesterday was the once in a lifetime date 9/02/10.

I plan to write something on both football in general and fantasy football specifically. I still have 2 drafts to go, so I really can’t write on fantasy yet as league mates may read this. I still haven’t seen any football games this year, so I don’t want to write a general NFL column. Having seen no teams in action, I would be too influenced by the aforementioned likes of Simmons and Berry. However, I will speak on one subject in which I strongly disagree with both of them - The New York Jets.

This year’s Jets have to be one of the most overhyped teams ever. Every analyst is picking them for the Superbowl, or, at the lowest, the AFC Championship game. Hmm. The Jets were 9-7 last year. The Jets only made the playoffs (and to that lofty 9-7 record) because they played an Indy team in week 16 that was starting CFL-level talent. Those mighty 9-7 Jets have downgraded their rushing game (losing Thomas Jones and Leon Washington, gaining LDT, clearly less than a push) and will quite likely lose their top defensive star (Revis Island) to a holdout. They also signed 75% of Santonio Holmes (as he’s suspended the first 4 weeks). How are these moves somehow worth 3 or 4 more regular season wins? If the Jets played in any other city, they wouldn’t be the sudden “favorites” that they are.

In conclusion, New Jersey is a land of contrasts.


eric said...

i only had time to read the first 1/3...

i'll finish it on sunday probably

too close is a pretty great song to DHV/neg with in america. everyone but you has heard this song so when a girl is standing too close to you you sing "stand back you're dancing kinda close and hilarity ensues

David said...

Excess carbs? Leanest of meats? Even I'd blush at such nutrition. Something heavy got a fire under your butt.

Jack said...

only here could i read something to effect of "i'm glad i didn't stop smoking when i was working with fireworks"...