Thursday, December 2, 2010

Don't Panic

Lots of people have called or sent me Facebook or email messages regarding my likely eminent demise at the hand of artillery and/or the Korean People’s Army. While I appreciate the sentiment and the rare calls from America, there’s really no reason to worry.

First off, the North probably won’t invade. Haiti and Wikilinks have already made the Northern aggression yesterday’s news. An aside - lots of shocking news here. Haiti is having a messy election? That’s so unlike them. WikiLeaks revealed that the US doesn’t know much about the inner workings of North Korea, that American diplomats think that Putin is still really in charge in Russia and Medvedev is a puppet. Apparently, we also don’t like Gaddafi. Oh yeah, and the U.S. is worried about Shari'ah hardliners gaining influence in Turkey. Didn’t we already know all of that?

Next, I don’t live in an area with any military targets. The nearest army base is at least 12 miles away.

Third, (obviously, this is why I’m not lettering these points) I live in a pretty strategically solid place, should shit go down. My building has 4 sub-basements, my office has 5. Even better, there’s a mountain 5 minutes from my house. I could camp out on it’s south face (since mathematically, that would be a really difficult place for northern shells to hit. Angry Birds proves me right) and be fine for awhile. There are mountain springs up there, and people can go weeks without food (although I presume I could do some looting on my way there.)

Fourth - you know me and the geo-nerd stuff. I know Seoul better than most locals. I guarantee I know the back alleys and underground passages of Seoul better than every North Korean. If I have to make it from my house to Gimpo airport by foot to evacuate - well, I consider that a usual Saturday afternoon (outside of the evacuation part.)

To sum up: A) The invasion isn’t going to happen, and B) if it does, the only way I’ll go down will we through bad luck, like if a first-strike shell hits my apartment while I’m asleep. I have better odds of getting killed by a crashing plane that was struck by lightning as I scratch a jackpot lottery ticket.

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