Thursday, August 4, 2011

Get off my lawn!

I’m an old bastard. I felt old when I turned 22. I worked with, and largely hung out with people that were older than me when I was 24. Nowadays, I feel younger and am in better shape than when I was, say, 26. I frequently stay out later than I did when I was 21, although I pay a larger price if I do it two nights in a row. Still, I’ve taken on a strange sort of elder statesman role, both in age and experience. I’ve been in Korea for longer than most everyone I know here, and pretty much all of them are considerably younger than me. Hell, several of my new friends here never had to live with the anguish of a Taco Bell-less Korea. I’m not the old guy at the club, not yet, but I am the old guy at the table.

Here are some signs of my advancing age:

- An American co-worker of mine didn’t get a Zubaz reference I made.

- While I never owned any Zubaz myself, I did have a Hypercolor shirt that I used to rock with my teal Umbro shorts.

- I consider Nicktunes like “Doug” to be new school Nicklodeon.

- I went to the Noraebang last week, and the newest song I chose came out in 1997.

- A buddy of mine wearing a bandana didn’t get my “Freedom Rock” joke.

- I fondly remember the Arch Deluxe.

- My first email address? vkpg13c@prodigy.com.

- My first computer had a one gig hard drive.

- I (frequently) used pay phones when they cost a quarter.

- I’ve smoked cigarettes at restaurants in California, in American airports, and inside the mall. Legally.

- I’ve spent Lira, Francs, Guilders, Pesetas, and Deutsche Marks.

- I saw the Kansas City Royals win the World Series (on TV).

- I’ve seen Joe Montana, Michael Jordan, and Bo Jackson play live.

- I own (and wear) articles of clothing that are older than any of my students.

- I saw the Wall come down, narrated by Tom Brokaw.

- The last multi-player video game that I was any good at was Goldeneye.

- I graduated college without ever sending a text message.

- I dove off the high dive. Thanks, lawyers. I’m sure the pool is just as awesome these days.

- I’ve flown on America West, Midway Airlines, and TWA.

- I never masked a Zima in a Crystal Pepsi bottle, but I could have. That would have ruled.

- I owned an Emerson walkman.

- Hell, I owned a 10 gig greyscale clickwheel iPod.


- I watched Saved By The Bell at 10 a.m. on Saturday mornings.


So, do I begrudge the young for being young? No way. While I don’t miss one gig hard drives or pay phones, I generally pity the youth for missing out on all this awesomeness. Do I want to go back to the old days? Sure, I’d go back to being 21 and living in Paris any second of the day. Would I want to go back to being 25 and working as a phone slinger? Never. I suppose it helps that I’m richer and more handsome than I was then. Plus, I could easily out-drink, out-walk, out-cred, or out-argue most any “millennial” that I know, then totally destroy them at Goldeneye for good measure.

Till next time, I’m out like Zubaz.

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