Sunday, March 17, 2013

Bracket Takes

Ah, Selection Sunday, maybe the finest sports holiday of the year.  Of course, the downside of Selection Sunday is that it comes with this crappy post, as Bracket Takes is by far my longest-running gimmick.  It began as a mass email in 2003, back when I actually sort of new what I was talking about.  The nadir was likely 2007, a year in which I did not see a single college basketball game, yet still wrote this piece. 
My breadth of knowledge in college hoops is pretty narrow.  I’ll admit this starting out.  I did not watch a single game all season that didn’t involve the Kansas Basketball Jayhawks.  I’m a bit out of my element when it comes to the non-Big XII world.  Then again, my living room was college basketball central in 2002.  My friends and I watched every game, even set up two TVs so we could watch simultaneous conference tournament matchups.  I correctly picked deep runs by Cindarellas like Kent State and Southern Illinois because I had seen both teams play.  Even then, I still lost a bracket challenge to a girl who picked the winners based on her mascot preferences.
As always, I will not be bothering to look at my previous Bracket Takes posts before I write this one, so expect some recycled jokes.  Also, I will be writing this in real time as the field is announced on the selection show. 
Midwest Region
Louisville is overall number 1.  It seems like they get picked for that a lot.  Fortunately, they never actually win titles and Pitino always goes home early, so I’m looking forward to that.
Go Liberty!  They are 15-20.
Larry Eustachy is back!  Wow, Eustachy versus Mizzou.  Don’t want to see either win, but of course I never cheer for Missouri. 
A 5 seems low for Oklahoma State.  Oregon is a dangerous 12, tough draw for the Pokes.
I thought St. Louis would be a higher seed.
Duke is a 2!  That means we are a 1!!!11!
More on this later, of course.
Memphis somehow won 30 games again?  I’m sure that’s legit.
Creighton-Cincinatti.  I feel there’s a joke there somewhere, but I can’t think of one.  Sounds like a really boring draw.
NOOOO! I don’t want to watch highlights from last year’s championship!  Damn you CBS!
South Region
KU number 1 seed, in the South.  That’s a good draw, means we go to KC and Dallas. 
Western Kentucky is always a tough out so -
Holy fuck, we might get UNC in round 2!  In Kansas City!  Wowza.
Uh Oh, I don’t want to see those VCU bastards in our bracket. 
I just learned that South Dakota State is called the Jackrabbits.  I like that. 

Oh, Georgetown in our bracket.  Of course.  They easily could have been a one.  They were the last #2 I wanted to deal with.
Oklahoma made it, good for them.  Lon Kruger verses Steve Fisher.  I think you could make a tournament just of teams those guys have coached, it must be at least 64 between them.
Egad, Florida is a 3?  The committee isn’t doing KU any favors here.  Brutal.
Wow, Gottilieb was really smug when he talked about the possible KU-VCU matchup.  Like Every KU fan wasn’t already aware of this.  Congrats on not putting your suit on backwards, asshole. 
East Region
Indiana is heading east, as expected. 
Temple is a 9.  They were a tough game for KU this year.
I hate it when a lower seeded team gets a home game.  Cal as an 11 seed has no business playing in San Jose.
I’d love to see Montana maul Syracuse.  It’s bee ten years, and I still hate them.
Wow, Colorado is still around?  It’s amazing how easy it is to forget they exist.
Butler got robbed at a 6, I heard they were good this year. 
Argh, I’m still mad about Kansas’s bracket.  Carolina, VCU, Georgetown, Florida, bullshit.  Even Western Kentucky is no picnic.  They make the tournament every year, and usually they are seeded much higher than 16. 
West Region
Gonzaga got their one seed, as well they should have.  I don’t think they will make the Final 4, but they deserve to get the 1.
Shockers!  Go Kevin Pritchard!
Wisconsin plays Ole Miss.  That will be boring.
K-State plays in KC, that should be fun.  Their fans should be plenty humble when they run into KU fans this time around. 
Ohio State snagged a 2 seed.  Nice, I like seeing teams that KU beat getting a high seed.
Iowa State deserves to be in. The Big 12 put in half of their teams with 5 bids, pretty much as expected. 
Wait, there’s a New Mexico?  Ah, that one never gets old.  Haha, they play Harvard. 
I don’t know anything about Arizona anymore now that old haircut Olsen is gone.
Wow, CBS was pretty efficient today.  It’s only 6:34 and the whole field has been announced.  Good times, it means I won’t be forced to watch any more NCIS promos today. 
Really excited that Kentucky didn’t make it.  We lost the battle last year, but we are winning the war.  Calipari sucks. 
Alright, I’m posting this right now before I get to reading the Twitter. 

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